At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
