It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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