You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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