I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
