I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
