We named our party play list daddy issues
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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