508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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