its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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