I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
