Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
