On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
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