heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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