Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
