ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
