i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
