Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Mom said you looked used
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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