I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
