just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
