i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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