I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
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They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
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I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
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