please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
