Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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