I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
