At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
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Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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