do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
