Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Randomize
