Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
