this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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