I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Hippo gnu deer
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
