Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
