You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Drake has all the answers
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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