She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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