Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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