i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
