There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
