Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
