Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
