I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
But break dance skills will only take you so far
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Randomize
