R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
