Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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