Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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