My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
