you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I wish they made helmets for livers.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
