His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
