david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
