I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
