I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
