I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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