we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
