its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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