Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
