Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
