Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
