apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
