Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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