In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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