the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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