glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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