He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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