I smell stomach acid.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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