i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
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Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
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Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
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