just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
