my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
