yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
