I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
