Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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