I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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