I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
