Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Randomize
