I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
