grandma shit on top of the toilet
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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