Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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