the new term for farting is butt boxing.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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