Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
